The Baby Juice Express(2004)
One false move and the sperm gets it!
A middle class London lad’s gangster fantasies go awry when his dodgy uncle puts them into debt to a real life crime boss. Still pulling strings from behind bars, the kingpin’s only desire is to conceive an heir by smuggling his sperm to his wife on the outside. There’s only one way the boys know how to raise the money fast … hijack the ‘baby juice express’. But kidnapping ‘baby juice’ turns out to be fraught with even more peril than the bumbling wannabes could possibly have imagined in this cheeky spin on the gangster genre. Starring Nick Moran (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels), with Julian Clary (one of Britain’s funniest) and Joe Bugner (former boxing champion and one of Australia’s toughest!).
Movie: The Baby Juice Express
Top 10 Billed Cast
Des
Krakowski
Frank O'Reilly
Trixie (as Samantha Janus)
Palooka
Jason
Celestia
Goldberg
Gladys
HomePage
Overview
A middle class London lad’s gangster fantasies go awry when his dodgy uncle puts them into debt to a real life crime boss. Still pulling strings from behind bars, the kingpin’s only desire is to conceive an heir by smuggling his sperm to his wife on the outside. There’s only one way the boys know how to raise the money fast … hijack the ‘baby juice express’. But kidnapping ‘baby juice’ turns out to be fraught with even more peril than the bumbling wannabes could possibly have imagined in this cheeky spin on the gangster genre. Starring Nick Moran (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels), with Julian Clary (one of Britain’s funniest) and Joe Bugner (former boxing champion and one of Australia’s toughest!).
Release Date
2004-04-19
Average
0
Rating:
0.0 startsTagline
One false move and the sperm gets it!
Genres
Languages:
Recommendations Movies
Wrong Cops(en)
A group of bad cops look to dispose of a body that one of them accidentally shot.
Intermission(en)
A raucous story of the interweaving lives and loves of small-town delinquents, shady cops, pretty good girls and very bad boys. With Irish guts and grit, lives collide, preconceptions shatter and romance is tested to the extreme. An ill-timed and poorly executed couple's break-up sets off a chain of events affecting everyone in town.
Down Terrace(en)
After serving jail time for a mysterious crime, Bill and Karl get out of jail and become preoccupied with figuring out who turned them in to the police. On top of that, the "family business" is on the rocks, and the motley crew of criminals who operate out of Down Terrace aren't feeling terribly trusting of one another. It might look like an ordinary house, but at Down Terrace, the walls are closing in..
Johnny Dangerously(en)
An honest, goodhearted man is forced to turn to a life of crime to finance his neurotic mother's skyrocketing medical bills.
Trailer Park Boys: Countdown to Liquor Day(en)
Ricky, Julian and Bubbles are about to get out of jail, and this time, Julian vows to go straight, even open a legit business. Soon the Boys will all be rich. At least that's what they've told the parole board. But when they arrive back at the park, they find it's not the same old Sunnyvale - and it's not the same old Jim Lahey, Trailer Park Supervisor.
The Asphalt Jungle(en)
Recently paroled from prison, legendary burglar "Doc" Riedenschneider, with funding from Alonzo Emmerich, a crooked lawyer, gathers a small group of veteran criminals together in the Midwest for a big jewel heist.
Shadow of the Thin Man(en)
High society sleuths Nick and Nora Charles run into a variety of shady characters while investigating a race-track murder.
Fun with Dick and Jane(en)
When an upwardly mobile couple find themselves unemployed and in debt, they turn to armed robbery in desperation.
State Property(en)
A Philadelphia gang member becomes a drug kingpin and starts a feud with vicious rivals in his quest for the American Dream.
Take Me(en)
Ray is a fledgling entrepreneur who specializes in high-end simulated abductions. He jumps at the chance when a mysterious client contracts him for a weekend kidnapping with a handsome payday at the end. But the job isn't all that it seems.
Thick as Thieves(en)
Two master thieves go at odds with one another as one sets the other up for a crime. The first, a suave pro who does his job and then hides in his own privacy, listening to old jazz records and caring for his ailing dog, Wally. The other is a local gangster with a taste for the finer life, who decides to eliminate the competition. This ignites a war between the two men and their aides. An angry mob boss and a female police officer try to sort the mess before things get too out of hand.
The Protector(en)
Billy Wong is a New York City cop whose partner is gunned down during a robbery. Billy and his new partner, Danny Garoni, are working security at a fashion show when a wealthy man's daughter, Laura Shapiro, is kidnapped. The Federal authorities suspect that Laura's father is involved with Mr. Ko, a Hong Kong drug kingpin, so the NYC police commissioner sends the two cops to Hong Kong to investigate.
One Night at McCool's(en)
On an ordinary night, in an ordinary part of town, a beautiful young woman walks into a bar. Her name is Jewel, and before long she is chatting to bartender Randy. The pair leave together, but he ends up getting into a tussle with her criminal boyfriend, who she then shoots dead, later persuading Randy to take the rap for her. But this isn't the end of it, as both Randy's cousin Carl and the detective assigned to the murder case also fall for Jewel's charms and find themselves caught up in the ensuing events. It seems that any man who meets Jewel falls instantly in love with her, and she's going to use this fully to her own advantage, leaving a trail of havoc in her wake. It also seems that she is going to get away with it - that is, until Randy decides to hire a hitman...
London Calling(en)
After fleeing the UK from a job gone wrong, a down on his luck hitman is forced to babysit the son of his new crime boss and show him how to become a man.
Bad(en)
Hazel runs a beauty salon out of her house, but makes extra money by providing ruthless women the oppurtunity to perform hit jobs. L.T. is a parasite, and contacts Hazel looking for work after he runs out of money. She is reluctant to use him for a hit, since she prefers using women, but decides to try him on a trial basis. Meanwhile, the cop she pays off wants an arrest to make it look like he's doing his job, but Hazel doesn't want to sacrifice any of her "associates". The sleazy side of life is explored in this delightfully dark and deadpan film.
Things Change(en)
Jerry, a misfit Mafia henchman, is assigned the low-level job of keeping an eye on Gino, a shoe repairman fingered by the Mob to confess to a murder he didn't commit. But Gino's mistaken for a Mafia boss, and the two are suddenly catapulted to the highest levels of mobster status. Only friendship will see them through this dangerous adventure alive!
Another Thin Man(en)
Not even the joys of parenthood can stop married sleuths Nick and Nora Charles from investigating a murder on a Long Island estate.
After the Fox(en)
A criminal mastermind sets up a phony film production as part of a plan to smuggle stolen gold.