
The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!
2008-11-20
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6.6The multi-platinum selling comedian performs his first holiday-themed stand-up special with his friends.
5.7Naive, talkative Hoffi and mouthy Lehmi are as different as can be. But this doesn't dampen their friendship. When they wake up one morning in the middle of Dortmund Zoo instead of in their beds among the water buffaloes, it doesn't upset them, because the orderly lives of their fellow human beings aren't their thing anyway. What's much worse is that Hoffi has got it into his head to get a birthday present for his sister on this beautiful summer's day of all days, when you could actually be relaxing in the park with a crate of beer. The two lovable slobs embark on an odyssey through the city, at the end of which they lose sight of the present but have found their dream girls.
6.2Based on the popular Nickelodeon TV series Rugrats, this is the first full-length feature animated movie to star the little tots. It's the story of diaper-clad kids, told from a baby's point- of-view, and they were one of the hottest-selling toy franchises of the late '90s.
7.2Sane Man was filmed before Bill recorded ‘Dangerous’, his first comedy album, and is a turning point in Hicks’ career. It was the first complete Hicks show ever filmed and Bill pulled out all the stops for the cameras. Completely focused, a newly-sober Hicks paces the stage like a wild animal riffing effortless.
6.6This Christmas, Damian Wayne wants to be a superhero like his dad – the one and only Batman. When Damian is left home alone while Batman takes on Gotham’s worst supervillains on Christmas Eve, he stumbles upon a villainous plot to steal Christmas and leaps at the chance to save the day.
Maritess asked for help from Frankie a private investigator to investigate her father, who's foolishly in love with a young lady.
6.2A family (mother, daughter and son) tries to survive their loneliness and obsessions by going through different sexual experiences and relationships with a new neighbour, a prostitute.
0.0Story about one boy who confronts himself from the future.
2.5Peace suddenly breaks out in the Middle East – an unpleasant turn of events for many involved, who suddenly see their futures and livelihoods threatened. In the midst of the turmoil of this unexpected situation, Austrian UN officer Werner Baumschlager finds himself enlisted by various parties to sabotage the unwanted peace. And that's not all: his two lovers and his wife learn about each other and each hatch their own plans.
5.7A wealthy executive, Drew Latham (Ben Affleck) has no close relationships and becomes nostalgic for his childhood home as Christmas approaches. When he visits the house and finds another family living there, he offers the residents, Tom Valco (James Gandolfini) and his wife, Christine (Catherine O'Hara), a large sum of money to pretend they are his parents. Soon Drew tests the couple's patience, and, when their daughter, Alicia (Christina Applegate), arrives, things get increasingly tense.
5.8Interviews with T.J. Miller, Pete Holmes, Marc Maron, Doug Benson, Jim Norton, Judah Friedlander, Alonzo Bodden, Maria Bamford, Jen Kirkman, Auggie Smith, W. Kamau Bell, Nikki Glaser, Wayne Federman, Seth Milstein, Oni Perez, Alysia Wood, Kris Tinkle, Traci Skene, Brian McKim, Tim O’Rourke, Tom Rhodes, Kyle Kinane and yours truly.
6.0Vada Sultenfuss has a holiday coming up, and an assignment: to do an essay on someone she admires and has never met. She decides she wants to do an assignment on her mother, but quickly realises she knows very little about her. She manages to get her father to agree to let her go to LA to stay with her Uncle Phil and do some research on her mother.
7.4In New York, Felix, a neurotic news writer who just broke up with his wife, is urged by his chaotic friend Oscar, a sports journalist, to move in with him, but their lifestyles are as different as night and day are, so Felix's ideas about housekeeping soon begin to irritate Oscar.
7.0Christopher Walken invites Richard Belzer over to cook a meal for you.
6.5On Christmas Eve, divorced dad Scott Calvin and his son discover Santa Claus has fallen off their roof. When Scott takes the reins of the magical sleigh, he finds he is now the new Santa, and must convince a world of disbelievers, including himself.
7.0A group of strangers come across a man dying after a car crash who proceeds to tell them about the $350,000 he buried in California. What follows is the madcap adventures of those strangers as each attempts to claim the prize for himself.
6.8Monsieur Bosquier, the owner of a private school, is far from pleased when his eldest son, Philippe, fails his end of year exams. He decides to send his wayward offspring to England to improve his English. In exchange, Philippe’s host, a wealthy whisky distiller, Mac Farrel, will send his daughter, Shirley, to live with the Bosquiers in France. However, Philippe has already decided to spend the summer holidays on a yacht with his friends, so he sends a fellow student, Michonnet, to England in his place. The deception is soon discovered but things go from bad to worse when Philippe and Shirley fall in love and fly to Scotland to get married...
6.2Hong Kong is just a ridiculous place full of lies. In this prosperous city, there are a group of people that have to live in the ‘space capsule’, which is a large seminar room subdivided into small living rooms. In such a small living space, this group of people all struggle to fight for their ideal lifestyle which reflects the spirit of Hong Kong.
6.9An unlikely oddball trio bond during an impromptu trip to the French countryside on a foolhardy romantic mission.
5.6Siblings Ethan and Hallie O'Fallon plot to get their divorced parents back together in time for Christmas.
7.0Winner of 7 Tony Awards, including Best Musical, The Wiz was a massive Broadway hit which spawned a dismal feature film starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Executive Producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron have assembled a Tony-winning creative team, the imaginative Cirque du Soleil Theatrical and a diverse cast of showstoppers designed to create an eye-popping new take on the musical unlike anything ever seen.
7.3As the 100th anniversary of Titanic's sinking approaches, a team of scientists, engineers, archaeologists and imaging experts have joined forces to answer one of the most haunting questions surrounding the legendary disaster: Just how did the "unsinkable" ship break apart and plunge into the icy waters of the North Atlantic? Written by History Channel
5.5A young tech worker takes a job at a powerful Internet corporation, quickly rises up the company's ranks, and soon finds herself in a perilous situation concerning privacy, surveillance and freedom. She comes to learn that her decisions and actions will determine the future of humanity.
7.5Woody has always been confident about his place in the world and that his priority is taking care of his kid, whether that's Andy or Bonnie. But when Bonnie adds a reluctant new toy called "Forky" to her room, a road trip adventure alongside old and new friends will show Woody how big the world can be for a toy.
6.4A year after Amber helped Richard secure the crown. The two are set to tie the knot in a royal Christmas wedding — but their plans are jeopardized when Amber finds herself second-guessing whether or not she's cut out to be queen, and Richard is faced with a political crisis that threatens to tarnish not only the holiday season but the future of the kingdom.
7.5While on a business trip in Los Angeles, Edward Lewis, a millionaire entrepreneur who makes a living buying and breaking up companies, picks up a prostitute, Vivian, while asking for directions; after, Edward hires Vivian to stay with him for the weekend to accompany him to a few social events, and the two get closer only to discover there are significant hurdles to overcome as they try to bridge the gap between their very different worlds.
7.3Thirty years after defeating the Galactic Empire, Han Solo and his allies face a new threat from the evil Kylo Ren and his army of Stormtroopers.
5.5The quiet life of Baker Dill, a fishing boat captain who lives on the isolated Plymouth Island, where he spends his days obsessed with capturing an elusive tuna while fighting his personal demons, is interrupted when someone from his past comes to him searching for help.
7.4A twice-divorced mother of three who sees an injustice, takes on the bad guy and wins -- with a little help from her push-up bra. Erin goes to work for an attorney and comes across medical records describing illnesses clustered in one nearby town. She starts investigating and soon exposes a monumental cover-up.
6.4A midlife-crisis burdened Shrek, longing for the days when he felt like a real ogre, makes a pact with magic deal-maker Rumpelstiltskin. But when he's duped and sent to a twisted version of Far Far Away—where Rumpelstiltskin is king, ogres are hunted, and he and Fiona have never met—he sets out to restore his world and reclaim his true love.
8.2Seventeen-year-old Stella spends most of her time in the hospital as a cystic fibrosis patient. Her life is full of routines, boundaries and self-control — all of which get put to the test when she meets Will, an impossibly charming teen who has the same illness. There's an instant flirtation, though restrictions dictate that they must maintain a safe distance between them. As their connection intensifies, so does the temptation to throw the rules out the window and embrace that attraction.
6.8Driving cross-country, Ray and his wife and daughter stop at a highway rest area where his daughter falls and breaks her arm. After a frantic rush to the hospital and a clash with the check-in nurse, Ray is finally able to get her to a doctor. While the wife and daughter go downstairs for an MRI, Ray, exhausted, passes out in a chair in the lobby. Upon waking up, they have no record or knowledge of Ray's family ever being checked in.
7.3An FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audiences with the money.
7.5Supervillains Harley Quinn, Bloodsport, Peacemaker and a collection of nutty cons at Belle Reve prison join the super-secret, super-shady Task Force X as they are dropped off at the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese.
7.4Susan Morrow receives a book manuscript from her ex-husband – a man she left 20 years earlier – asking for her opinion of his writing. As she reads, she is drawn into the fictional life of Tony Hastings, a mathematics professor whose family vacation turns violent.
6.8The magical kingdom of Lucis is home to the world’s last remaining Crystal, and the menacing empire of Niflheim is determined to steal it. King Regis of Lucis commands an elite force of soldiers called the Kingsglaive. Wielding their king’s magic, they fight to protect Lucis. As the overwhelming military might of the empire bears down, King Regis is faced with an impossible ultimatum – to marry his son, Prince Noctis to Princess Lunafreya of Tenebrae, captive of Niflheim, and surrender his lands to Niflheim rule. Although the king concedes, it becomes clear that the empire will stop at nothing to achieve their devious goals, with only the Kingsglaive standing between them and world domination.
6.6As Batman hunts for the escaped Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime attacks the Gordon family to prove a diabolical point mirroring his own fall into madness.
6.7An epic journey into the world of dinosaurs where an Apatosaurus named Arlo makes an unlikely human friend.